Monday, March 8, 2010

Oh the devil will find work for idle hands to do

Dear Ridiculously Silly Americans Who Don't Like Obama's Health Care Plan,

I am addressing this letter to you all because I am concerned for your well being. As is his holiness, the Obamanitor. I think I can speak for both of us when I say, we just want you to be healthy! We want health care to be your friend, but with benefits. You should be able to get care any where, any time, with very little direct from your pocket cost.

Though I will admit that I have a few other motives, possibly different from your fearful leader's. I need you all healthy, so that you stay alive, so I can continue to use you all examples of what not to do. Just look at your crazy tea-baggers, prime example of how you need to keep crazy conservative rebels suppressed. The world can learn from you! Don't deprive us of our favourite population of laughing stocks!

Maybe I can appeal to the capitalist pig-dogs in you though? This proposed Health Care Plan will actually save you money, and then make you richer in the long run! By adopting this plan large companies, responsible for much of the previous successes in your economy, won't have to pay employees so much for safety risks or cover their sadly overpriced health insurance. By saving on those costs, they can develop the company by make it BIGGER and BETTER. I know how those words are music to your tune-deaf ears.

So, my dear neighbours to the south, please vote yes for this bill. Remind the world of your political inconsistencies, shock us all in to foolishly believing you're the most successful democracy once again, and preserve your health. If not for the sake of the children, then at least for my sick sense of humour.

Much cynicism,

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