Ladies and gentleman, batten down the hatches, take cover, prepare yourselves... POP CULTURE COMETH.
This evening, beginning at 8pm, as you may or may not know, the Grammy's will begin. Thanks to modern technology, I will be watching it via live stream, aaaaaaaaand ...
LIVE BLOGGING! WHOOP WHOOP!
check back in at eight to see all the nasty things I'll have typed about the red carpet.
I mean... all of the "constructive criticism" and "professional advice" I'll want to pass on to those charming celebs.
6:58 Colbie Callat accepts her first Grammy to an audience of ten. She's just saying those are tears of happiness.
7:39 "Sorry I grabbed your chest hair" ... who the fuck is this man hosting on the carpet? Stephen something? From now on lets refer to him by his true identity... CLOSET CASE.
7:42 Quentin Tarantino & Snoop Dogg pose on the red carpet. What is this madness?
7:45 Heidi Klum & Seal. Heidi is wearing a sparkly wetsuit. Yes that is funnier on more than one level.
7:48 Dear Jennifer Hudson, Thos are boobs. Those are bangs. Thanks for pointing them out.
7:57 Akon. I hear you're played on the radio. You're a big fan of Gaga. You raise money via song for your own charity. Song is called Africa. Kind of nice. I'll stop judging now.
PANIC. CANNOT FIND LIVE STREAM. STUPID GRAMMY DOT COME FOR MISLEADING US.
Not to worry. It has been found. Commercials and all.
~ 8:30 Taylor Swift accepts some country something. "I can't thank my label enough for letting me write all of my own songs" HA. B: "somewhere there is a canadian indie musician crying"
It's all just a barrel of laughs over here.
8:34 Beyonce is employing her talents in hair-ography. It's like she and Glee are just nodding back and forth, so much love between them. Your move Glee, your move.
8:42 Pink - this could end badly. Reconsider. NOW. You are not wearing enough clothing to go all Cirque du FREAK on us... Ok so you pulled it off. That was actually kind of really amazing.
8:48 Dear Grammys, you had the opportunity to pick a group that deserved "best new artist" and what do you do?! you pick a COUNTRY BAND?! i realize the rest of them weren't exactly "new" but you could have at least given it to someone good... (Zac Brown band... congrats, im sure you're nice people with some musical integrity. I just really like MGMT)
9:11 "Am I cool now?" Yes, Stephen, you most definitely are. B & I's reaction to his winning best comedy album - screaming YES! with a fist pump. Also hes now up for best acceptance speech of the evening: thanking Jesus that sincerely deserves much recognition.
9:23 Jamie Foxx performs and I would like to direct your attention to Rihanna's face - less than impressed with apathetic half-asses claps. Preach it sista.
9:41 Showing clips of Bon Jovi performing when he was younger may not be the build up he's looking for...
And if you aren't follow Jian Ghomeshi on twitter already, you should be. The man is on FIYAH tonight!
~ 10:10 Mos Def & Placido Domingo introduce together and it is A-DOR-A-BLE! So cute how they genuinely like being on stage toghether, and then take a moment to actually introduce themselves. Their handshake also up for best moment of the night.
10:34 From my update trend so far you can probably guess the commercial cycle. Thanks for the reminder why I don't have cable CBS.
10:36 Someone who isn't famous is on stage! Woah! Quick - stick T. Swift on to boost ratings again! Oh wait - he mentioned someone famous (Neil Young). Reason to listen/watch again.
10:48 Beyonce SHUT DOWN best female vocal. If this were a wrestling match (and I seriously think we would all be much more entertained if it were) she would have gone all Million Dollar Baby on us. Question though - the more grammys she accepts the more or less sincere her speeches become?
11:42 Tucked in bed, and thoroughly bored with the Grammy's. Try harder next year eh.
Now that we've all had time to breath, lets recap the big events of the night.
Biggest Slap in the Face: Kings of Leon won record of the year, proving there is indeed a Grammy man out there with a sense of justice. Or irony.
Most Enthusiastic: Beyonce. No lie. Every time the cameras moved to her she looked genuinely pleased with everything. EVERYTHING.
Most Apathetic: Rihanna. She was just not impressed. The hand claps said it all.
Best Dressed: Solange Knowles son. He came as Beyonce and Jay-Z's accessory, obviously rounding out the perfect couple outfit with his sheer adorableness.
Bethenny Frankel is still at the beach
10 months ago